Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Pepsi

Imagine this scenario. You walk into a nice restaurant, put your name in, and get a table. Your waitress walks over and says, "Hi, my name is Stacey, can I get your drink order's?" Without even looking at the menu, I ask for a coke, since that is the obvious choice. "Is Pepsi okay?" Oh no she didn't...

Shaking uncontrollably with rage, trying to restrain myself from lashing out without warning, grabbing Stacey by the neck and Squeezing until her cold, lifeless body falls from my hands, all I am able to get out of my mouth is, "w-w-water."

I'm sure you can all relate with this, it's a very common situation and reaction. It happens to everyone at some point. Because the truth is, NO, Pepsi is NOT okay. If I had wanted liquefied horse crap, I would have asked for Pepsi. If I had wanted fermented piss water that causes sterility, I would have asked for mountain dew, and if I had wanted a fantastic mixture of 23 different types of compost, I would have asked for Dr. Pepper. But that's not what I asked for. I asked for a cool, crisp, refreshing Coca-Cola

As I leave the restaurant, my back turned to the smoldering ruins and blackened corpses, I ask myself, "Was all this really necessary? Was it worth it?" I receive my answer as soon as I stop at the nearby convenience store and pick up an ice cold bottle of Coke: "Why, yes. Yes it is."

All of this could have been avoided. If I had just gotten my Coke in the restaurant and hadn't been asked that ridiculous question. Is that REALLY that hard to do, Stacey? Is IT?! WELL??!!!


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